Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
