apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
only if we run a train.
done.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
