it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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