well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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