All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
