this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
