First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
