She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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