the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize