covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Only a mothe r could love this liver
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
