I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
