If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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