I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
should my penis look like a turkey
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
