he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
