Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
