Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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