I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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