TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
