good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
