I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
