so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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