Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You need a sexual gate keeper
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
