I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
