Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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