well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
