the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
