i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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