Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
