I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
