Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
