Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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