My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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