Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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