he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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