So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
