tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
