All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
