i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
