I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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