i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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