On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
