he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
