I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
