i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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