Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
