Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
