youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
