4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
