You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
