Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
