I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
