Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
True strength comes from lack of pants
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize